WHEN I GROW UP…

Singing…

When I grow up
I wanna be famous
I wanna be a star
I wanna be in movies

When I grow up
I wanna see the world
Drive nice cars
I wanna have groupies

When I grow up
Be on TV
People know me
Be on magazines
(When I Grow Up – Pussycat Dolls)


Waktu kita kecil dulu, kita percaya kalau kita bisa jadi apapun yang kita inginkan. Menjadi apapun yang kita cita-citakan, menjadi orang yang paling bangga di dunia karena kita berhasil meraih apa yang kita harapkan. Diawali saat kita mulai belajar bersosialisasi di tingkat taman kanak-kanak, pertukaran cita-cita dan impian datang silih berganti…bahkan pada hitungan menit ☺

Let me refresh your mind….

11:00 (jam istirahat sebuah TK)

A: Aku kalau sudah besar mau jadi dokter dooong




B: Kalau aku mau kayak papaku, jadi pilot
C: Ah kalau aku mau jadi penyanyi aja, kata eyang suaraku bagus

11:08 (masih di jam istirahat sebuah TK)

A: Mmmm…kalau gitu aku mau jadi dokter sama penyanyi juga…aku kan juga bisa nyanyi
C: Kok gitu?
B: Aku juga..kalau jadi pilot terus mau jadi astronot juga



C: Bisa gitu ya?
A&B: (optimis) pasti bisa laaaah!!!

And that was it, a simple conversation during a very much simple time. No pressure, no one tells you that the journey is not going to be so simple after all.

I may warn you that there is a slight possibility you may think I am being silly or pessimistic or whatever the word is. But hey sometimes you have to be silly or pessimistic at one point in your life to understand and also remind yourself that is just how life goes kan? (mencoba mencari pembenaran nih gw..heheheh). Well, whatever the thought that may come in your head after reading this my purpose is as simple as = being realistic.

Semua impian dan cita-cita ini masih bertahan dalam benak kita sampai kita melewati masa-masa SD, masa-masa adaptasi di SMP dan masa-masa menyenangkan tapi juga menyebalkan di SMA. Mungkin ada yang merubah cita-citanya dalam proses peralihan masa-masa sekolah itu daan semuanya menjadi lebih jelas ketika kita mulai melewati masa-masa kuliah. Tentunya masih ada yang mencoba bertahan untuk mempercayai kesempatan meraih impian itu semakin dekat (walaupun harus pake ‘menampar’ diri tiap malam untuk juga membuka mata sama realita sekitar, yaitu kompetisi dan juga harapan orang lain).

And there you go, the complication starts.

Either the competition, your own dreams or other’s expectations seem to overwhelm the whole process of ‘reaching your dreams’. Nevertheless, at some point you want to please all simply because YOU BELIEVE YOU CAN. Some of my closest people say that this is actually ‘my problem’ of trying to please everyone (and with all the sanity I have left, I admit that) and postponing my own dreams (while at the same time still believing I’ll get to it). Then, these closest people of mine started to tell me again that I am taking things to seriously, that I can not stand up on my own ground, that I should just stop and back off, that I am not up for the challenge…and more…(I bet you have also been into this situation when you are in doubts, all of sudden people around you start making speeches as if they’d know exactly what to do). But they forget something, I AM NOT THEM, and THEY ARE NOT ME. Then, you want to scream, want to break things, want to escape, – ways to feel ‘good’ and in peace with yourself. Then, hoping people give you space to ‘breath’ for yourself (especially if they can not bear hearing your stories or ‘gundah gulana’ any longer – please refer to them giving speeches). With all due respect, I thank the concerns and the ‘solutions’ they brought in…Ironically, adults forgot that life and choices are no longer ‘that simple 11 am break conversation during kinder garden’.

So now, you probably wonder…does this mean I am giving up my dreams in this confusing times. Well, I fully realized things ‘aint going to be easy and I am not going to pretend otherwise. But I’d be a mad girl if I give up now….However, I wish that I’ll make it through and believe that ‘simple’ thought because others may not (and in that case, I don’t force you to but just believe in me --- bingung kan lo? ☺)

-rie